


Becoming Human

by abitofarockyroad



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-24
Updated: 2014-08-24
Packaged: 2018-02-14 12:46:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2192367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abitofarockyroad/pseuds/abitofarockyroad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Request 27 - “After the ritual Sam performed, Crowley becomes human. He has a hard time adjusting to being human again and Sam has to help teach him about stuff like eating and drinking.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Becoming Human

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo peeps. I must say I’m rather proud of myself getting through these requests rather quickly. I’ve got a good thing going here xD I’m going to try get all mine done before I leave for university so I can start fresh when I’ve settled in. Hope you enjoy this one - Bella xxx

"I still don’t see why I have to be included in this petty human nonsense." Crowley mutters to Sam, his arms folded and a grumpy pout on his face. He looked somewhat similar to a toddler being made to eat his greens.

"Crowley you have to eat. You’re human now. If you don’t eat you’ll die." Sam protests, pushing the burger towards Crowley.

"Let him starve. He’s no use to us anymore anyway." Dean chimes in from the opposite end of the table.

"Charming, squirrel." Crowley replies, accompanied with a sarcastic eye roll. "Look, Moose, I don’t plan on eating ground up cow any sooner than Dean over there is going to confess his in requited love for the angel in a trench coat. Ok?"

"Fine. See if I care. I’ll eat the burger." Sam shrugs, grabbing the plate and leaving the room.

"SAMMY THAT WAS MY DAMN BURGER!" Dean shouts after him, but apparently not caring enough to get out of his seat and go after him.

"Mummy and daddy are fighting again." Crowley says sarcastically, earning the sigh and muttering from Dean he had been hoping to provoke.

"Listen here dipshit. For reasons that I cannot even begin to fathom, Sam is trying to be nice to you and help you. I know there is at least a little bit of decency in that empty shell you call a heart so just for fucks sake humour him please? I can’t deal with a full blown Sam bitch fit tantrum again." Dean retorts, still staying resolutely in his chair.

"Whatever squirrel. I haven’t eaten any filth you apes call food for longer than you can imagine. I don’t plan on letting that into my body now. I’ve got such a good streak going."

"I never imagined you being picky about what you let into your body Crowley." Dean says as he finally gets up and leaves the room.

"How childish." Crowley mutters to himself, before smiling when he spots the bottles of liquor on a nearby cabinet.

———

"I…*hic*…love you moose." Crowley slurs whilst stroking Sam’s hair. "I want to brush your mane. It’s glorious and majestic. Like a tiger. No wait… thats wrong…what’s the animal with the bad haircut…"

"A lion?" Sam says reluctantly while trying to release Crowley’s death grip around his hair.

"Yesss!!!! A lionnnn!!! I knew you had a porpoise. Wait a second. You have a porpoise? Let me see it. Take me to your giant fish mammal creature."

"DEAN!" Sam shouts, ignoring Crowley’s desperate pleas to be allowed to see their pet porpoise he had apparently named Harold.

"What now?" Dean asks as he rounds the corner.

"AAAHHHHH. The mighty porpoise." Crowley says in a voice of complete wonder, walking slowly towards Dean.

"What the fuck is wrong with him?"

"He drank an entire bottle of whiskey. I’m guessing the new human-ness and the fact he hasn’t eaten all day meant the alcohol did a hell of a lot more damage than normal." Sam explains, examining the whiskey bottle carefully.

"Where’d he go…?" Dean asks, looking around the room for any sign of the drunk ex-demon.

"Look at me I’m Sam Winchester." The guys hear from behind them. They turn and see Crowley completely swamped in a pair of Sam’s jeans and one of his plaid shirts. "Every woman I screw dies because I’m that bad a lover.

"Crowley take off my clothes!" Sam exclaims, making a dash at Crowley.

"Sex with me is 20 seconds of apologising and 10 seconds of crying." Crowley says back in a sing song voice, both skipping and staggering at the same time. At this point Dean couldn’t help but laugh.

"Crowley for fucks sake." Sam tries again, lunging at Crowley only for him to dodge out of the way at the last minute.

"Look at me with my luxurious flowing locks. I’m like a fucking modern day Rapunzel who preens her hair and prances through flowers."

"Crowley…" Sam growls. This time when he reaches for Crowley he succeeds, only to have Crowley suddenly fall into a deep sleep, complete with snores, in his arms. With Sam holding him under the arms and Dean gripping his ankles the pair manage to get the king of hell into bed with his blanky.

"I’m proud of the parents we’ve become" Dean says, earning a shove from Sam and the expected sigh.

"He’s going to suffer tomorrow." Sam replies simply, holding the door open for Dean so they can leave then shutting it behind them.

——-

"MOoOoOoOoOSSE!!!" Crowley moans from his room. When Sam enters he flicks on the light, making Crowley hiss and shy away like a vampire.

"What?"

"I’m dying moose." Crowley says dramatically. The back of his hand pressed against his forehead.

"You’re not dying. You haven’t eaten in a couple days, or drunk anything except an entire bottle of whiskey so youre extremely dehydrated, extremely hungover and extremely hungry I assume."

"Damn moose. Are we done playing doctors now? I want to die in peace."

"There’s food and water in the kitchen if you change your mind." Sam says with a shrug, leaving the room. Crowley places his fingertips on his temples and massages them gently, attempting to ease the throbbing headache which was currently rattling his brain. Come to think of it, his mouth is pretty dry. A growling in his stomach begins to grow, accompanied by an uncomfortable pain that could only be hunger.

“Alright idiots. What’s for breakfast?” Crowley asks as he walks into the kitchen to find Sam and Dean already at the table.

“Cereal.” Dean says bluntly through mouthfuls of his own breakfast.

“Swell.” Crowley replies, sitting down and grabbing a bowl. After pouring himself some cereal and successfully drowning it in milk, he grabs a spoon and takes his reluctant mouthful of food.

“So?” Sam asks expectantly, watching Crowley closely.

“This is disgusting.”

“You’ve only had one spoonful!”

“And from this single spoonful I have determined that it is, in fact, disgusting.” Crowley says simply, placing his spoon back on the table.

“Well I’m sorry your highness but it’s all we’ve got.” Dean says sarcastically. At this Crowley stands up, picks up his coat and walks out of the door.

“Where’s he going?” Sam asks Dean, a mildly confused look on his face.

“I think you’re confusing me with someone who gives a shit.” Dean replies as he puts his bowl in the sink and leaves the kitchen.

—————-

“Dean?” Sam says, standing in the doorway to Dean’s room.

“What?” Dean replies, not looking up from his laptop.

“Do you smell that?”

“What? Sulphur?” Dean asks quickly, sniffing the air intently. It isn’t sulphur he smells though.

“Not exactly.”

“Is that bacon…?”

“And pancakes. Yeah.”

“What the fuck…” Dean says, jumping off his bed and following Sam out of his room towards the kitchen. When they walk in though, they both freeze in shock. In front of them, in a pink frilly apron, whistling happy with a spatula in his hand was the king of hell.

“Hello boys.” Crowley says happily, tipping bacon onto a plate and setting it onto the table next to plates full of pancakes.

“What’s all this…?” Dean asks tentatively, picking up a bit of bacon and nibbling at it.

“I figured if I’m going to have to eat I may as well eat decent food. Just because I’m a demon doesn’t mean I can’t cook.”

“Right…well…ok then.” Sam says, watching Crowley sit down and tuck into his food.

“Well seeing as you have quite a lot of food…” Dean says, sitting down at the table and reaching for the plate of pancakes. Before he reaches the plate though, Crowley jabs his fork into the back of Dean’s hand, making him cry out in pain.

“I don’t share.” Crowley says, before looking at the fork Dean had just pulled out of his hand. “And now I need a new fork.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it :) Check out our tumblr abitofarockyroad.tumblr.com for more stuff xx


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